Receiving and Giving: あげる,くれる, and もらう

Last time, you learned how the causative form works like 子こ供どもに勉べん強きょうをさせる ([I] will make my child study). In passive and causative sentences, you have to pay attention to people’s positions such as doers and direction-givers. In this lesson, you will tackle one of the concepts unique to Japanese: receiving and giving. This is also involved with people’s positions.

How to Express Giving and Receiving by Using あげる, くれる, and もらう

First of all, we must say this topic is related to Japanese culture. You have to understand the concept of our social community prior to the grammatical rule. Both あげる and くれる mean “to give” in English, but you have to choose the proper one depending on contexts.

Let’s take a family as an example for a social community. In the chart above, a circle represents a community. You are an independent person and thus you have your own circle. You and your mother are a member of your family and thus you and she share the big circle. In Japanese, you have to change the wording based on the circles. When someone gives something from the inside to the outside, you have to use あげる. That is to say, you use あげる when you (*from your circle) give something to your mother, and when your mother (from your family circle) gives something to Mr. A. What if someone gives something from the outside to the inside? This is where くれる comes into play. You use くれる when Mr. A (*from the outside of your family circle) gives something to your mother, and your mother (from the outside of your own circle) gives something to you. As for between Mr. A and Mr. B, you always use あげる. The wording will matter only when circles you belong to is involved with transactions. Now, let’s move onto the sentence structure.

あげる, くれる, and もらう as Verbs

Unlike the cultural concept, the grammar is very simple. You just use the particle を and the particle に. Here are more examples.

あげる and くれる are used on the premise that recipients will feel happy by means of giving something. Thus, if transactions may not result in any happiness, you cannot use them.

This is the counterpart to the example above, but seen from your mother’s point of view. In this context, you use もらう to express “to receive.” The particle should be に to express doers because the actual action is “to give” or you can also use から to express sources. When you use もらう, you don’t have to pay attention to the circles.

…てあげる, …てくれる, and …てもらう as Helping Verbs

Helping verbs alone cannot make a sentence, but you can give various contexts to sentences by combining verbs with helping verbs. The conjugation is simple. You can utilize the te-form and just attach helping verbs.

The basic concept remains the same. When you or your community do something for someone, you use …てあげる. When someone does something for you or your community, you use …てくれる. When you see it from the recipient’s point of view, you use …てもらう. All of them should be used on the premise recipients will feel happy. Now, let’s check the structure.

Comparing the plain expression, お母かあさんは手て紙がみを私わたしに（書かいた / 書かきました）, the meanings are the same, but you can express your gratitude by using …てくれる. Thus, if you are happy with the letter given by your mother, you should use …てくれる; otherwise, you may look rude. This is very important. You need to master this if you want to speak natural Japanese.

Note: you should not use …てあげる to those who are in higher status. This is not very polite. For example, 先生せんせいに本ほんを貸かしてあげました sounds condescending. You can use this to those who are in lower status. It is also a good idea to combine this with causative sentences to give permission.

This is the counterpart to the example above, but seen from your point of view. This usage cannot properly be translated into English. The structure is similar to causative sentences: 手て紙がみをお母かあさんに書かかせました, but you can certainly express your gratitude by using …てもらう.

When something is transferred from doers, you can replace the particle に with the particle から to express sources. In the above examples, only 教おしえる is the case. Knowledge will be transferred from Suzuki-san.

Let’s think about the doer’s will. You can actually use …てもらう both when someone voluntarily does something for you and you make someone do something for you because the function is just to express your gratitude. For example, if your girlfriend would voluntarily make a meal for you and then your mother asked you “what do you want to eat today?”, you can say, “今日きょうは彼女かのじょに料りょう理りを作つくってもらうんだ. In another example, if you fired Tanaka-san due to an avoidable situation and you announced it to other employees, you can say, “田た中なかさんに会社かいしゃを辞やめてもらいました.”

Summary

1. You use あげる when you give something to someone from your community.
2. You use くれる when someone gives something to you from the outside of your community.
3. You use もらう when you see it from the recipient’s point of view.
4. あげる and くれる are used on the premise that recipients will feel happy by means of giving something.
5. …てくれる and …てもらう expresses your gratitude.
6. …てあげる is not very polite, you may sound rather condescending.

There are a lot of languages in the world, but the ones which have concepts like あげる and くれる are rare. Please try to understand our social culture, which will be helpful when you learn polite speech in detail. Helping verbs may also be difficult; however, you need them to speak natural Japanese. In the next lesson, you will learn more about helping verbs.